We met at your work this past winter. My (very much more outgoing) best friend introduced us, and we totally hit it off, better than anyone realised we would.
When we met I was content (complacent would be a better word) in a relationship that I don't belong in. Your friend showed me that with bullshit, drunken conquest-style seduction which I am so glad I didn't completely fall for. I never slept with him, but he reminded me who I was, and that I didn't belong in a relationship with the person I was with. Turned out I didn't belong with your friend, either -- I remember standing and talking to you as I watched him flirt his way through subsequent women, and you telling me that if you were my boyfriend, you'd never treat me that way.
It was shortly after that interaction that I started falling for you, although I didn't realise I was falling at the time. You invited my friend and I to an impromptu lunch and it was fun, and easygoing, and we hugged at the end like we'd known each other forever, rather than just a couple of weeks.
It wasn't long after that, that we started texting about nothing in particular, just to talk. You're so quiet and reserved, it was like reading a new chapter of the most exciting book of my life, every time you revealed a bit of yourself to me. It became more and more obvious as days went by that we were flirting, and not just talking, and when we sat together, there were fleeting touches of hands and legs that left me drenched in my own excitement whenever we parted.
When we finally consummated the buildup of feelings and sexual tension, it was bliss beyond anything I could have imagined. I left with the biggest smile that had ever crossed my face, and halfway home I stopped to cry, because something so pure and amazing couldn't have had worse timing for either of us.
You are still young, and want to experience more of what's out there--not necessarily other women, but life itself. You're afraid of a relationship because you aren't ready for a family, and I come with family-type baggage. I've kept that entire part of my life out of our goings-on, because I want there to be a solid us before I ever involve my child with you.
It's been several months, and we've been seeing each other regularly throughout. The sex is still phenomenal, and as much as I know you're going to rip my heart out at some point, until it actually happens, I'm reveling in every borrowed moment I have with you. I see the potential of love in your eyes, but also fear and uncertainty, and until you conquer those feelings, they will always win. You say you want me to be happy, but you don't seem to realise I'm at my happiest when I'm with you, and if I have to keep it casual for years before you're ready to go further, I so very gladly will.
I'm writing this because selfishly, I know that if I tell you point-blank how I feel, it'll ruin what we have, but it's torturing me too much to hold it in. I fucking love you. I wish you would open your eyes and see that!
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